Interview of Cricket Fans – 87 – Parody
***The answers in this interview are satirical and are written by @daniel86criket, a parody account on Twitter. Any resemblance to any person or animal, living or dead, sane or insane is purely coincidental ***
Jay – Thank you for your participation in this interview, what are your early memories and how did you fall in love with Cricket?
Thank you for this opportunity. I actually had no interest in cricket growing up but the reason I ended up here is because of an interesting incident and my inspiring journey that followed. Back when I was in school, my grades in math were terrible. My math teacher strictly advised me not to take up a career which has anything to do mathematical reasoning. But I refused to give up and started working hard on it. Today, I’m proud to be the best all-format cricket statistician in the world. People all around Pakistan admire me for my stats and logical reasoning behind them. I feel a special connection with my Pakistani followers. They are the only ones who understand me. If you don’t trust me, you please ask them but only them.
Jay – Who is your favourite cricketer from SL?
Sri Lanka is the greatest nation to have ever played cricket followed by Pakistan. It’s a shame that I was deported from the country for undisclosed reasons and I don’t live there anymore. There are many players that I like but can’t choose one because of undisclosed reasons.
Jay – And who is your favourite overseas cricketer currently?
Ashton agar is my favourite overseas player as he’s the first Sri Lankan to win a Test match in Australia.
Jay – Your thoughts on Indian Cricket Team?
Not a big fan of the Indian cricket team. Why would I be? Imagine this. Someone grabs you and punches you in the face 17 times in a row. Would you be like Wow! You’re a great puncher? Obviously Not! We all know what any sane person would do in response on the spot. He would cry about it on Twitter!
I do the same thing. Also, the Indian team deserves it for manipulating the world into believing they won the 2011 World cup. I will not back off until ICC releases the real footage where Dhoni gets stumped on the last ball.
Jay – Your thoughts on Virat Kohli and Rohit Sharma?
Firstly, I’d like to clarify that I never searched for Kohli’s hot pics on google. This is just another conspiracy created by Indians. I only search for Babar Azam’s.
And to know my thoughts about Kohli, go refer almost every tweet on my Twitter account. Whatever I have achieved in my life today, it’s because of my thoughts on Kohli.
Rohit Sharma has been a giant pain. I messed with him on Twitter once only for it to backfire so bad that I ended up hating him 264 times more. 2018 Nidahas final was a horror night watching Sri Lankans supporting India. Adding to that, this guy walks into the ground and holds a Sri Lankan flag. I mean are you serious? Who does that? I thought I was finished. That night, I had a nightmare of me doing a regular desk job with no hatred. I woke up the next day, pulled myself together and got back to work. Rohit Sharma will pay.
Jay – Lasith Malinga has helped Jasprit Bumrah a lot and the duo have done a good job for MI in IPL, what do you have to say for this duo?
Dilruwan Perera himself could train Bumrah but I’m afraid he’d still be bad. Bumrah is overrated and only performs against weak teams. Also, Malinga, Sangakkara, Arnold and Mahela are pissing me off these days. They’re doing everything possible to retain their IPL contracts and I’m not liking it. I’m on the brink of declaring them as overrated. I have contributed more to Sri Lankan cricket than four of them combined in their careers. Every Srrrrr…… umm.. Pakistani agrees with me on this. If you don’t believe, you ask them but only them.
Jay – Your thoughts on this year’s IPL?
Honestly, I never watched a single IPL match in my life. I even tweeted about it every day throughout IPL seasons. That six by Saurabh Tiwary on the last ball of the over? Rahul Tewatia played like a below-average player throughout innings and then ridiculously starts hitting with 18 balls left? Bumrah bowled 2 wides vs SRH in group stage. One on the 2nd ball and the other on the 4th ball but umpire didn’t even bother. When Kohli scored 90 against CSK, he was running on the pitch the entire innings but nobody questioned him. Not just this, I have a diary full of evidence ball by ball in every match. This is exactly why I never watched a single IPL match in my life. Overrated is an understatement for IPL.
Jay – Your thoughts on PSL?
PSL is currently the only league in the world which can compete with LPL (The best league in the world) in terms of quality. IPL may have Kohli, Rohit, Rahul, Smith, Warner, Rabada, Archer, Buttler, Rashid, Cummins but PSL has Daniel, adding more class to it. Also, I’m proud of every Pakistani player for choosing not to play in IPL despite repeated requests from BCCI every year.
Jay – Babar Azam or Steven Smith?
Are you serious? How is this even a question? Smith literally averages 62.84 after playing 73 Tests while Babar barely begun. The answer is obvious. It’s Babar Azam.
Jay – What is your all-time XI?
Imam ul Haq
12th man – Thisara Perera
Before closing, I’d like to send out a message through this interview. Sri Lanka lost every series against India since Kohli became the captain. No one is interested in watching our matches anymore and I want to change that by manufacturing rivalry. On this mission, I don’t care if my words make sense, thank god for Pakistan. This is personal between me and the Indian cricket team. If I have to fill up a bag of sand and call it the best batsmen in the world, I would, if that’s what it takes. Sorry, Babar Azam! #MakeSriLankaInterestingAgain.
Thank you so much for reading. Hope you guys liked it. You can follow me on Twitter by clicking on my name @bhavsarJ2_0 and make sure you don’t miss out any other cricket related interviews.